JULY 10th, 2002
BARRET OLIVER, WE SALUTE YOU!
The truth is, folks, we didn't wanna do a salute of Barret Oliver, but upon learning certain facts, we felt that a.) it was our duty to inform the public of them, and b.) he'd harm us if we didn't. Sure, we all thought he was cute in Neverending Story, and Cocoon, and maybe some of us thought he was endearing as the robot/little boy in D.A.R.Y.L.
But what they didn't tell you about D.A.R.Y.L. is that it wasn't fiction. It wasn't even science fiction. BARRET OLIVER IS A SECRET GOVERNMENT KILLING ROBOT. Just like in the movie.
So, if you should encounter Barret Oliver, do not make eye contact - the D.A.R.Y.L. series are programmed to see this as a sign of hostility - but rather, pass him casually, and run quickly to a safe place as soon as he's passed.
If you have information which would help the authorities apprehend this former child star, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. There's nothing the kill-bots hate more than a snitch.
If you want a biography, go somewhere else, pal. This is just a salute.
BARRET OLIVER - Career Highlights
The Neverending Story (1984)
Pretty cool stuff. And fairly family-friendly, considering the star is a GOVERNMENT-BUILT KILLING MACHINE!
What was Ron Howard thinking? Putting all those defenseless old people (Brimley, Ameche, Cronyn, etc.) in the path of the ruthless killing destructor that is Barret Oliver?! I can understand putting Guttenberg, and maybe even Tahnee Welch in D.A.R.Y.L.'s crosshairs, but the Old Folks? And Dennehy? What's wrong with you, Opie?!
"Listen! And understand! That D.A.R.Y.L. is out there. It can't be bargained with! It can't be reasoned with! It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. It dosen't care about you or abide by the law, it will not look away, and it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!"